Do you think you are a people pleaser?

Oh, wait.

What’s people-pleasing? Ok, allow me to introduce you all to the earlier me. Absolutely easy-going, craving for approvals and validations from others, completely displeasing. From the very beginning, I kept others belief in front of my own. Terrific right!

It’s not the end here, I have trouble saying no, disagreeing with others, finding difficulty putting myself up and expecting everyone around me to be happy. Ok, so it’s not a wrong aspect to keep everyone happy, but doing this by keeping my own happiness on stake is wrong. So, that’s PEOPLE PLEASING.

People pleasing thoughts

The fact is I’m not the only person in this whole huge world who is suffering from the people-pleasing syndrome. This is common amongst women, as we always crave to be liked, cared and appreciated. That’s absolutely perfect! I too wished desperately to be a perfect sort of women, a perfect girl, daughter, wife, mother, employee and a lot more. But is that truly me? No, gradually this lifestyle creates a massive dissatisfaction and disgrace when we don’t receive what we have expected or deserved.

How to know whether you’re a PEOPLE PLEASER or not?

Most people believe it as a form of selflessness. But there is a difference between being selfless and losing yourself for always focusing on others. If you are still on the fence to judge the difference, I’m here to take you out from this no-clue situation!

Signs of being people pleaser
  • If you are scared to disappoint anyone.
  • If you feel a deep sense of shame from failure.
  • If you are finding it difficult to manage your time just because you are so overwhelmed from doing what everyone asks of you.
  • If you are excessively apologizing for your deed.
  • If you are craving approval from others before doing something.
  • If you are putting other’s needs before your own.

What’s so bad about being a PEOPLE PLEASURE?

People pleasers are generally the kind-hearted ones. But, they gradually adopt passive behaviour with a sacrificing sentiment. Periodically this leads the way to resentment, anger and depression. You need to realize that you are here to live your own life, the life you crave. Not a life people expect you to live. You are solely responsible for your deeds and rulings. It’s perfectly normal to be passive in a certain situation, but being habitually passive is dangerous for our own mental health.

The many faces of a people pleaser

How can I be more ASSERTIVE?

Ok, now what’s this!

Have you ever gone through a dilemma where you really want to speak your heart out? And you actually did it!
Expressed what you feel for a person without thinking of a consequence? Or just imagine being able to get the promotion you’ve worked so hard for, just for being what you are.

When you are assertive you effectively express what you actually want to convey, without being passive or demanding. You stop caring about what people think and what they want.

Can we have some more sorted points for stop being PEOPLE- PLEASER?

Here are 5 tips that have helped me stop being a people-pleaser and provoked me to be more assertive, and these tips you should implement into your life as well. Obviously, if you wish to do so!

I allowed myself to be ME first!

Be yourself not a people pleaser

People are smart. They know when you are acting like yourself and when you are trying to be what they want you to be. The first rule for being assertive is to be self. Try to be authentic. If people don’t admire the present you, then it’s their loss, not yours. Being assertive helps you to settle your relationships with truthfulness and you gradually come across the genuine people who admire you for what you are.

I altered my mindset!

Altering your mindset

I never prioritized mindfulness and mental strength. If you have asked me before that one day I’m going to focus on these aspects immensely, then you may get a response like – wait, what…?
I have always been a hard critic for the people giving importance to self, concentrating on mental peace and happiness. Learning a hard way, after my mind started flooding with unfavourable energy, I started prioritizing and practising mindfulness and gratitude.
I started to let go of the opinion of others and actually found a sense of happiness and pride for who I already was. The more I focused on being myself the less I bothered about others opinion. In initial stages, I felt as I’m alone in my decisions but gradually I felt good to be independent, as now I don’t crave for others approval and validation.

I let go trying to be perfect!

I'm not perfect but at least I'm not fake

I never wanted anybody to point out my flaws. I always focused on others opinion and that is because I was trying to be perfect. I always wanted people to like me and envy the path I’m living. But do you know how hard it is to be perfect for everybody around you?
The best chunk of advice that I can give you is to let go of perfection and to instead focus on progression. There is always going to be an area for improvement in every aspect of our lives. So quit trying to be perfect and focus on being the best that you can be.

I avoid comparing myself to others!

Benefits of stop comparing yourself to others

Gosh! Everybody has their own talent, their own sense of understanding aspects, then why the hell we try to compare ourselves to others? “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” Albert Einstein is often credited with this wonderful quote. That’s so true!

I generally came across people feeling depressed and discouraged as they always compare their beginnings to others end results. We can’t get everything on our plate, right?
When you stop comparing yourself to others it will become easier to live your life to the fullest. Instead of putting all your energy to please others, start pleasing yourself.

I started focusing on being productive!

People enquired me for being always occupied and not accompanying huge get-togethers and gatherings. That’s not because I’m avoiding those miraculous thoughts, but I believe in setting goals and accomplishing it.
When we know what exactly we want from our life, anything else hardly matters including the judgement of others.
Always try to set a goal and make a road map to reach there. Surely, you may experience hurdles and obstacles on the way, but as long as you know where you want to go, you will reach there regardless of what people think about the route you take.

Focusing on productivity

What’s your way to stop being PEOPLE-PLEASER? Let me be enlightened with your suggestions too!

You are you, and that is your greatest power. Never let anybody take that away from you. This is your life, don’t let anybody’s judgement ruin it. Don’t let anybody sit on your head as headlights to show you their brighter side🤓.Choose your side and make it bright!

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self-acceptance opened.” 

– Shannon L. Alder

#PeoplePleasing #StopPeoplePleasing #BeSelf #SelfAcceptance #PositiveMindset #HealthAndWellness